a year to remember

what a time to be alive.

i remember january 1st of 2020. my husband (then fiancé) and i flew out to austin to celebrate the new year with his good friends in texas.

there was a lot of laughter, champagne, games, prayers & especially hopes for the new year.

as we all gathered in a circle to pray around 1am, i remember how everyone had this feeling- this tingle in their soul- that this was going to be a year to remember.

of course i, along with probably everyone else, thought "a year to remember" meant revival and amazing business opportunities and doors opening and relationships forming and dreams being fulfilled.

instead, it turned out to be shut downs and isolation and fear and masks and dissension and what felt like too many closed doors.

now, we wait.

for the final blow of 2020.

the great & historic presidential election.

i was bewildered today how so many kept on going with life as normal.

the mall was full of people- yet it felt dreary.

people were planning their parties and buying their groceries and purchasing new clothes.

restaurants still had long lines (chick fil a, anyone?)

social media was filled with the usual shenanigans of selfies and promotions and life highlights.

yet my soul was still. awaiting.

it was fighting the constant battle between anxiety and peace.

last night i crept out of bed at 2am to check the news.

no results.

this morning i watched Fox with nervous anticipation.

my heart sank as the candidate i was cheering for fell behind.

and now my candles are lit and my playlist is playing.

my journal is open beside me with scribbles and prayers and pleas and fears and oh God please just save us.

save us from the mess of this year.

save us from our foolishness.

save us from ourselves.

because more than any president, what we truly need is His leadership.

no wonder Israel was never meant to have a king.

what a mess when humans try to play God.

do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. [ psalm 146.3 ]

it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. [ psalm 118.8 ]

this is truth.

this is my daily bread post-election day.

for no human is enough.

no human can offer or provide the leadership, the wisdom, the protection, the provision, the safety, the kindness, or the justice we all need.

no human is enough.

not my mother nor my father.

not my sister not my friend.

not my husband nor my mentor.

not my pastor nor my counselor.

there is but One. One who is worthy of your faith.

any misplaced faith is idolatry. hope in dead things.

any fear is misplaced worship. trust in powerless things.

today, my heart is both heavy & hopeful.

but above all things it is grateful.

that my good Father is using both my country & the smallest details of my personal life to ever woo me to Him.

He is a lover. a lover who will not tolerate any competition.

if the fires of this year have drawn me closer to His heart, i have won.

if all the losses i have experienced this year have moved me into His Presence, i count myself blessed.

for there is but One.

One thing i long for out of this life.

One heart i yearn to know.

One who holds both my love & my trust.

and He will not let me go.

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